Avalanche

Well I stepped into an avalanche,
It covered up my soul;
When I am not this mess that you see,
I sleep beneath the golden hill.
You who wish to conquer pain,
You must learn, learn to serve it well.

You strike my side by accident
As you go down for your gold.
I do not ask for your company,
Not at the center of the world.

When I am on a pedestal,
You did not raise me there.
Your laws do not compel me
To kneel grotesque and bare.
I myself am the pedestal

You must learn what makes me kind;
The crumbs of love that you offer me,
They’re the crumbs I’ve left behind.
Your pain is no credential here,
It’s just the shadow of my wound.

I have begun to long for you,
I who have no greed;
I have begun to ask for you,
I who have no need.
You say you’ve gone away from me,
But I can feel you when you breathe.

You don’t love me quite so fiercely now
When you know that you are not sure,
It is your turn, beloved,
It is your flesh that I wear.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

The sun is gone and it has taken me with it
The light within my soul has been extinguished, and nothing holds any joy
Thoughts of the outside world chill me to the bone
almost as much as the harsh winter air creeping
through the cracks in the windows
As the shutters are thrown against the brick by the abusive wind
all I can think is, what has happened to me?

My once strong love of life is gone
My desires and passions hold no meaning
My dreams are not worth working toward
And my room is no longer a prison it is my sanctuary

Nothing, not even the promise of Dorothy’s ruby red slippers
could move me from this bed
My thin white sheets and matted feather pillow have
become my only allies in this
seemingly endless battle against winter
In them I can find sweet sleep
my only escape from this icy hell.

I have no plans of leaving this hibernation of an
existence until the days have lengthened
and the sun has returned to her rightful place
shining brilliantly in the sky and radiating the gentle warmth
that can touch my skin and make me live once more
Until then I will stay in a state of unwavering melancholy
wishing for the existence of an everlasting summer